the truth hurts

A well known fact about me in my close circle of friends
as well as some acquaintances
since I am pretty much an open book...
is that I get to live with this awesome thing called
depression and anxiety.

It comes and visits randomly without notice or thought
and I am stuck with dealing with this un-welcomed guest
who overstays his welcome and comes too often.

The worst part of it is (well it all sucks) but a tough part of it is
that people who have never been through it have a hard time understanding or empathizing
with the whole situation.
You hear things like its all in your head or just make up your mind to be happy
and things like that.

Right now its a hole in my stomach that wont go away.
Its going to bed afraid of the next day.
Its making simple things like leaving the house seem like the hardest thing in the world.
Its having your dog come and cuddle with you because he sees you crying.
Its begging your husband to not go work on his car because you dont want to be alone with
your thoughts.
Its the alter ego (that happy go lucky person) that I have to pull out of me during social time.
and what makes it a million times worst is that poor Ginger is exposed to this
and so the pressure to recuperate multiplies and the anxiety rises.
Because I swear I do not want to be that mom.
Where it's like, "Ugh mom's crying again."

Quite honestly, Im not looking for pity by writing this,
or advice- like just make sure you leave the house everyday
Believe me, I've studied all things to do with the disease.
And I've tried 90% of the suggestions.
I just had to say it to someone.
Even if its my close friends that follow this
or that complete stranger in Australia who reads my blog.
So to all you that have never suffered depression, I envy you,
But if you can relate in any way, my sincere apologies.

Out of the wreck, I will rise.