Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Lets talk pregnancy

Oh so much to tell.
Keeping the pregnancy secret is torture.
It was especially hard for Casey
who via twitter, a month or so, tweeted
Wait, are you ready for this?
He said...

I love how Ali calls them "pregnancy farts"

Okay that is wrong on so many levels.

Moving on...
Here's more information than you probably care for...
Wow, that actual a perfect name for my blog.
More Information Than You Care For.
kinda catchy.

Im going to pretend Im a celebrity and this is an
interview for US magazine.

So how do you feel Alexis?
We are just over the moon.
(That's what all the celebs say; Gwen S., Gwen P., Jlo, Jen Gardner
all my besties)
Just totally over the moon.

Were you guys trying?
Yes. No. Yes. Passively.
Here's the thing... I'm not the type of person
who can sit down and say. Let's try to have a baby.
Its too much pressure on myself.
My anxiety would shoot through the roof.
So basically,
Um. Hmmm. How do I put this
so our moms dont throw up?
We stopped birth control.
Our method of birth control is the good ol "pull out" method.
Sorry Moms, just keepin it real.
There was no conversation about it...
We knew we wanted our kids about 2 years apart
so that was that.
Then one night...
And this is oh so tender;
One night after we were um done
I layed on my back and put my legs in the air and
Swim Sperm... Swim for your life!
And Casey and I died laughing
because were that mature,
but I really think that's when we conceived.
Isnt that beautiful?
My child will treasure that story all the days of his/her life.

Anyway, I make it seem like it was easy peasy...
But really it took a few months
(I promise, Im not complaining, my heart breaks for those who struggle
with infertility.)
So before I got a plus sign
I took a few tests in the prior months...
Negative results.
I was starting to get worried.
Then one week I took a test because it was time,
it was negative again and my heart broke in a million pieces.
But I didn't talk about it.
I just didnt want to say aloud how bad I wanted baby 2.

A couple weeks pass
and Casey says to me,
You know youre pregnant right?
I dont know why he said that.
Perhaps a burning in his bosom?
Or maybe his horoscope that day said,
Today will bring you some crystallized notions that
will interfere with the flexibility of your thinking
as well as a growing fetus in your wife's belly.
One can never be sure.

I dismissed his comment
until the next day when I was cleaning and came
across my trusty pack of pregnancy tests.
Although I was certain I wasnt pregnant
It couldnt hurt to pee on another stick, right?
So I did... and while I did, my mom called.
We shot the crap for a while...
I finished peeing and continued cleaning
totally forgetting about the pregnancy test.
Then I went to bring some towels in the bathroom
and noticed the test just sitting there.
Meanwhile my mom is talking about something
super random like Bingo...
when I saw the plus sign.
And. I. Screamed.
and screamed and screamed and screamed.
I blurted out, "Im pregnant!! Im pregnant!!"
And then my mom screamed. and screamed.
And Ginger freaked out because
Why the heck is her mom going ape crap right now?
And then I just started giggling, as did my mom.
And Ginger continued to stare at this ridiculous scene
unfolding before her eyes.
It was one of the most joyous moments of my life.

Wait, youre not going to put all that in the magazine right?
Ok cool.
Like leave out the "Swim Sperm Swim" line.

So we know you are Over the Moon about this baby...
But how are you feeling otherwise?
Ohhhhh, right, like do I feel pregnant?
Yes. Oy yes I feel oh so pregnant.
The first six weeks of my pregnancy I felt amazing.
I actually said to Casey, "Oh my gosh, being pregnant is so wonderful,
Im going to be one of those preggos who are like, I love being pregnant!"
and people will roll their eyes at me and Ill love every second.
I said that.
And then a week later, someone turned on the pregnancy switch.
Were talking nausea complete with puking
and I was tired beyond tired.
I had all the same symptoms I did with Ginger only more intense.
My Dr. prescribed me anti nausea medicine
which saved me!
Saved me while killing my husband.
Because a side effect is constipation...
which leads to gas.
hahahaha. payback.
Im starting to feel better now.
Not really taking the med anymore... youre welcome Casey.

I have really intense cravings.
SALTY. anything SALTY.
One night I was craving Vietnamese food.
Vermicelli with char broiled pork saturated in fish sauce.
I asked Casey to go get me some.
He said, Maybe we shouldnt since weve eaten out so much this week.
Now Im going to tell you something... only a pregnant woman would understand...
Although he was right, I actually cried!
I cried! Tears... because I couldnt have pork with fish sauce.
If thats not the most ridiculous thing.
I know I could have gone out and got the Vietnamese food myself...
Casey wouldn't have beat me too bad.
But by that time I was so embarrassed for myself
I made a personal promise I would find something else to eat and be
content with that choice.
But truth be told, I thought about that fishy pork until the
very last minute of the night, while in bed
on my way to the land of nod.

Oh to be pregnant.

To sum things up though...
Im so so so excited and grateful to be pregnant.
I mean look at Ginger
were doing a stellar job...
Were doing the world a favor.
Youre welcome world.


Life as Ashley said...

I feel like I know you and Casey so much more intimately now. ;) Ha ha ha! Jk!

I'm also glad someone else uses our method of birth control. :)

I loved the story of you forgetting about the test, and then screaming when you saw it. That's awesome!

Whitney R said...

I loved every detail of this. I laughed, I cried, and lifted my legs and said "swim sperm, swim!" only to realize I had not just had intercourse. I was just very into your interview.

We should try your's and Ashley's method, except Jaren is just too absolutly afraid of the oopse. And I kind of am too at this point. So, we use the hated rubber. Oh wait - I have 2 nuva rings I'm afraid to try out. TMI? Nah, not here. We'll see how those go.

I know the screaming and being overcome with joy. I was that way, too. Oh what a wonderful feeling. And you will never forget that moment. It's so sweet.
And the crying over the negative pregnancy test. I get that, too. And you'll never forget that feeling as well. Thank the Heavens for that Joy, though. Ginger and ummm.... Basil! ;) Sounds like it could be a boy or a girl, right?

Niels and Susie Jensen said...

Hands down, best post yet. So awkwardly entertaining in a good way. Refreshing.

Congrats on the bun. I assume your doc put you on the generic Zofran for nausea. I had to do that too and it was a life saver. But sometimes I felt like I was back in 9th grade playing the "would you rather ____ ..." game and having to pick between two undesirable scenarios.

Would you rather throw up non stop all day long, or not be able to
poop for 4 days type thing.

Anyhow, we are out of town this weekend but hopefully we connect for real soon. Perhaps we need to have a take out night and eat fish oil food. Congrats again.

Lauren Soffe said...

Let's do talk pregnancy... CONGRATULATIONS! I can't wait to hear about your adventures with two children. We sometimes think about how far apart we want our kids, and then after a rough day we start thinking if we want anymore kids. ah, motherhood.

So 'trying' totally sucks. It IS way too much pressure and when people KNOW that you're trying they are suddenly experts on fertility and every conversation starts with "Have you tried..." which results in me standing on my head after sex. just a little bit more embarassing than "swim sperm swim." but who knows, maybe it worked. Fortunately I was one of THOSE who enjoyed my pregnancy, I think Burke experienced more pregnancy symptoms than I did (not joking, and also embarrassing).

I can't tell you how much I love your blog. Shamelessly honest and genuinely funny... it's you. We miss you too.

mel or kel said...

I am so excited for you guys!! Congratulations and I am so glad you are finally feeling better!!

Brett and Melissa said...

Hey girl... CONGRATS!!! Wow I am so excited for you guys!!! I think it will be another girl!!! ;) good luck!!!

Callihan Clan said...

Pull out pull out! Oh crap...sorry hunny I didn't have the strength...enters Mayley 9 months later! hahahahah oh the joys. No seriously I am so happy for you. I pray that I am there soon. I am officially back in the game says my doctor and practice makes perfect so I shall be.