Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The hard Post

This is the part where I tell you.

[dont read this, sing it in your head, tune: theme to the Fresh Prince]

Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
And tell you Casey and I have been separated for 6 months.

like ripping off a band-aid.

You know, our parents generation never had to wonder about when, how or if they'd
announce something like this via facebook/blog/twitter etc.

I just felt like I should put it out there because
this blog has always been a place where I can share/document my life.
and my life is not what it was.
And my writing just started to feel inauthentic.
What's another way of saying "crap or get off the pot"?
because i want to use a prettier version of that phrase.
But really, all my vague posts about being stressed and overwhelmed
were starting to annoy me.
so I thought, either, stop doing personal posts or just get it out there.

So there you have it.

here are a few things I'll share:

...okay wait, deep breath...
still breathing.

these are just random pieces of information.
things I feel I can share.

I love Casey.
first and foremost, I love him and I want his happiness.
I dont know how the hell I ended up here.
Last night, we wanted to work things out.
tonight, I feel like a series of miracles need to occur for us to have a chance. 
two weeks ago, We were going to get a divorce.
Weve gone back and forth a few times.
In the past six months... I have not had one single day that felt normal.
the kids and I are living with my parents and have been since May.
Casey lives in  Pahrump. 
I would do anything to have a redo at this marriage.
But to sum it up.
Its awful. just so incredibly awful. I dont know how else to put it.

So thats that. 
I probably should have written a more eloquent post.
But this territory is so unfamiliar.

So I ask for prayers on behalf of my family.



Kyle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lindzie said...

Sorry apparently I was under my husban's name. Did want you think I was some stalker. And now my comment got deleted (grrrr). Basic gist: I'm here for you if you need to talk. This happened in my family twice and it isn't an easy thing to deal with. I hope you can make the right decision for yourself, your kids and your happiness. I'll be thinking of you in the meantime.

Annie O. said...

Ok, so we are just acquaintances, but here is a hug and some tears shed for you.

Niels and Susie Jensen said...

Not to be a stalker or anything, but I always enjoy reading your posts, even the hard ones like this bc I admire and respect your transparency and genuineness.

Many prayers for you guys, and may the best situation happen for you and your family.

Jessica said...

I was thinking of you today... About to text you. I decided midnight is inappropriate. I checked your blog to see what you're up to. I think of you often, your kids, the vagueness I know of your situation, and all I can say is... I love you. I'll text you my new number. <3

This is... said...

You're wiping the slate clean and starting a new year. Sending you "bon courage" (or "great strength" as they say in French). Lots of love too from a loyal reader and big fan.

Whitney R said...

Oh Ali, I'm so sorry. What a hard thing to go through. I'm so behind on blogs. I'm here for you, any time you need an ear. I'm going to try calling again soon. I love you, I think you are wonderful and strong.