total awesome

When I title my posts

I do it with all of those who

are hyper-annoyed with bad english in mind.

You is welcome.

Speaking of titles...

The last post was named, "diagnosed."

believe it or not, I was going for simple subtlety.

It sounds SO dramatic and feel sorry for me.

It made me feel so lame- I had to change it.

The reason for this title

would be the one item that has completely changed my life.

The infomercial sold me.

Behold, the TOTAL PILLOW.

Its so super amazing and totally on par

with the invention of the light bulb.

You can get it at fry's.

One night I woke up delirious in the middle of the night

and realized Casey stole my total pillow and was using it!

So I reached over, totally pissed off, and grabbed it hard

trying to yank it from under his head.

After a couple seconds, my eyes adjusted to the dark

and to my surprise (and amusement) I was tugging on Casey's

arm which was serving as his headrest.

It turns out he didnt steal my total pillow-

it fell on the floor.

Somehow he slept through the whole thing

and the next day I giggled about 20 times

thinking about how truly pissed I was at the thought of him

stealing my pillow.

What am I? five?

Here's the next piece of greatness to touch our lives...

A gift from Grammie.

Its a pretty rad keyboard that Ginger capital L Loves.

Speaking of Ginger obsessions;

my mom said they went shopping and G grabbed these shoes

and would not let go of them.

Saying, "Oh wow" and "pretty" about 1700 times.

I thought maybe mom was exaggerating

(I didnt get my embellishing abilities from my dad)

But truly since she came home with them,

she wants to wear them 24/7.

Most of the time, she's content with wearing at least one.

(Sometime we let her use the swiffer, instead of a rag and a bucket)

Change of subject...

The new house is coming along,

Ive learned to be patient with the design process,

Im less likely to make hasty choices

and throw away money on something I'll hate a month later.

These purdy pillows are from Z gallerie

and they light up my life...

I love the comfort and practicality of our leather couch

but it so masculine- I have to sweeten it up with extras...

hence the choice of lavender.

Confession:

It took me 3 weeks to realize our dining room light

had a dimmer.

I wondered why sometimes it was dim and other times bright.

My theory- it started out dim to be easy on your eyes

then brightened gradually.

I should be ashamed to admit that stroke of genius

but Im just trying to keep it real.

It wasnt until Casey adjusted it before my very eyes that

I was like, Ohhhhhhhh, I see (pun intended).

My new favorite cd

is Brandon Flowers sole effort, "Flamingo"

I absolutely, positively love that man

and his voice and his style and his Vegasness.

I like to just insert randomness as I please.

Yoga has been my saving grace.

I spend approximately six times longer in the bathroom

than necessary.

It gives me a nice break.

I super de duper love an ice pack on my head.

Speaking of ice packs on heads.

Did you know I am an exceptional example to my child?

Exhibit A.

I hope I didnt make you feel self-conscience

by posting that ultra glamorous photo of me.

with my pregnant belly hanging out.

Im gonna do that mommy-daughter ice pack moment one better.

The other night G and I were hanging out in my room

when all of a sudden a wave of nausea sent me flying to the bathroom

where I seeked comfort with my head over the toilet

throwing my guts up.

Ginger quickly came after me

stared at me for a second before bending over next to me

assumed the position and started going,

"blech, blech, blech!"

complete with head bobbing and stomach clutching.

Note: It is possible to laugh while vomiting.

But when I finished luking (laughing/puking)

a wave of unavoidable, useless motherly guilt washed over me.

If she turns into a hypochondriac- we all know why.

Casey has expressed to me how much he dislikes public praise-

wierdo.

So I will NOT tell you how he's gone above and beyond his husbandly duty

during this difficult pregnancy.

And I wont tell you how much it means to me

and how infinite my gratitude is for him.

I wont do it. Dont even try to make me.

I better bid adieu before my sleeping medication kicks in.

Love and angel kisses.

dramatic title.

I was debating whether or not to post this,

but its a significant part of my life.

And this blog is a substitute journal.

This qualifies as journal entry worthy.

I'll try to make this as short and concise as possible.

3 and 1/2 years ago my health most definitely headed downhill.

The most obvious change was a dramatic weight loss.

40 pounds in a month.

I was newly engaged and people assumed I was on the

pre-wedding anorexia diet.

But my appetite hadnt changed and I thought perhaps it was

anxiety.

Especially since I had an increase in that area as well.

I was soon married and nothing changed.

(health wise)

Then I had very bad muscle pain... constantly.

Especially in my legs.

I wont even go into what a physical, medical and mental

nightmare that was.

And the consequences that ensued from mis-diagnosis.

I started having regular panic attacks

and the combination of all this started to bring about bouts of depression.

I saw a few psychiatrists.

One diagnosed me as bipolar after talking to me for 5 minutes.

At this point I was very trusting of doctors

and so hearing I was bipolar was frightening.

The medicine she prescribed was really intense and I didnt

feel right taking it.

After researching the disorder... it didnt take long for me

to realize I was definitely not bipolar.

I went to several doctors; and do you know what they all more or less

agreed on... This was all in my head and due to mental illness.

Depression and anxiety.

I started to feel like I really was going crazy.

Was I making these symptoms up?

Fast forward 3 years and these symptoms were now a way of life.

Only more emerged...

Extreme fatigue, insomnia, shortness of breath, shaky hands- to name a few.

Someone suggested an internal medicine dr.

He took a routine blood test and found out I was anemic.

So that was that... Just take iron and Ill be fine.

Wishful thinking.

I was playing soccer at the time and after a game

it took me three hours to recover.

The doctor told me I had to stop playing soccer and tennis.

My muscles had grown very weak anyway

and I couldnt play up to a satisfying standard ...

Try kicking a ball with a stick leg.

it was more frustrating then enjoyable.

So I took his advice and quit.

Then about 6 months ago things got pretty bad.

I was functioning at 25% on a good day.

But I was pregnant and everyone thought that explained it perfectly.

But I knew something wasnt right.

So I begged and pleaded with my doctors.

Finally, a month ago- I became one big pathetic mess at the OB's office.

I asked for bloodwork to check my iron.

As I was leaving she casually suggested I have my thyroid checked.

The results came back and my thyroid numbers were not looking right.

I was referred to an endocrinologist.

I saw him today, after a three week wait

and he said what I desperately needed to hear after 3 years of

questioning my sanity...

"This is most definitely not in your head."

I was diagnosed with Graves Disease.

In short... Graves disease is an autoimmune disorder that occurs

when the immune system mistakenly attacks and destroys healthy body

tissue. It leads to the overactivity of the thyroid gland as well.

No joke... It looks like someone ripped out a page of my diary

and drew up the list of graves symptoms.

It's pretty unbelievable that it went undiagnosed for so long.

The form of treatment were considering is radioactive iodine.

Pregnant woman cannot be treated with this for obvious reasons.

I cried like a blubbering idiot while the doctor shifted uncomfortably

in his chair.

I just want to feel normal. Desperately.

Then he said, you just have to make it four more months.

And I thought, Youre right, I can do that.

Im happy to finally have answers.

Im happy that relief is in the future.

Im happy that my children will have a mother

who can chase them around the yard

without needing a 3 hour recovery.

Im happy my husband will have a wife that isnt so needy.

Right now all my energy goes to Ginger and Casey,

and thats pretty much the extent of it.

So my sincere apologies if I've been a bad friend and/or family member.

Just remember its nothing that a little radioactive love cant fix.

Ill be back full force soon.

You dont even know how awesome I can be. :)

for all of us moms.