dramatic title.

I was debating whether or not to post this,

but its a significant part of my life.

And this blog is a substitute journal.

This qualifies as journal entry worthy.

I'll try to make this as short and concise as possible.

3 and 1/2 years ago my health most definitely headed downhill.

The most obvious change was a dramatic weight loss.

40 pounds in a month.

I was newly engaged and people assumed I was on the

pre-wedding anorexia diet.

But my appetite hadnt changed and I thought perhaps it was

anxiety.

Especially since I had an increase in that area as well.

I was soon married and nothing changed.

(health wise)

Then I had very bad muscle pain... constantly.

Especially in my legs.

I wont even go into what a physical, medical and mental

nightmare that was.

And the consequences that ensued from mis-diagnosis.

I started having regular panic attacks

and the combination of all this started to bring about bouts of depression.

I saw a few psychiatrists.

One diagnosed me as bipolar after talking to me for 5 minutes.

At this point I was very trusting of doctors

and so hearing I was bipolar was frightening.

The medicine she prescribed was really intense and I didnt

feel right taking it.

After researching the disorder... it didnt take long for me

to realize I was definitely not bipolar.

I went to several doctors; and do you know what they all more or less

agreed on... This was all in my head and due to mental illness.

Depression and anxiety.

I started to feel like I really was going crazy.

Was I making these symptoms up?

Fast forward 3 years and these symptoms were now a way of life.

Only more emerged...

Extreme fatigue, insomnia, shortness of breath, shaky hands- to name a few.

Someone suggested an internal medicine dr.

He took a routine blood test and found out I was anemic.

So that was that... Just take iron and Ill be fine.

Wishful thinking.

I was playing soccer at the time and after a game

it took me three hours to recover.

The doctor told me I had to stop playing soccer and tennis.

My muscles had grown very weak anyway

and I couldnt play up to a satisfying standard ...

Try kicking a ball with a stick leg.

it was more frustrating then enjoyable.

So I took his advice and quit.

Then about 6 months ago things got pretty bad.

I was functioning at 25% on a good day.

But I was pregnant and everyone thought that explained it perfectly.

But I knew something wasnt right.

So I begged and pleaded with my doctors.

Finally, a month ago- I became one big pathetic mess at the OB's office.

I asked for bloodwork to check my iron.

As I was leaving she casually suggested I have my thyroid checked.

The results came back and my thyroid numbers were not looking right.

I was referred to an endocrinologist.

I saw him today, after a three week wait

and he said what I desperately needed to hear after 3 years of

questioning my sanity...

"This is most definitely not in your head."

I was diagnosed with Graves Disease.

In short... Graves disease is an autoimmune disorder that occurs

when the immune system mistakenly attacks and destroys healthy body

tissue. It leads to the overactivity of the thyroid gland as well.

No joke... It looks like someone ripped out a page of my diary

and drew up the list of graves symptoms.

It's pretty unbelievable that it went undiagnosed for so long.

The form of treatment were considering is radioactive iodine.

Pregnant woman cannot be treated with this for obvious reasons.

I cried like a blubbering idiot while the doctor shifted uncomfortably

in his chair.

I just want to feel normal. Desperately.

Then he said, you just have to make it four more months.

And I thought, Youre right, I can do that.

Im happy to finally have answers.

Im happy that relief is in the future.

Im happy that my children will have a mother

who can chase them around the yard

without needing a 3 hour recovery.

Im happy my husband will have a wife that isnt so needy.

Right now all my energy goes to Ginger and Casey,

and thats pretty much the extent of it.

So my sincere apologies if I've been a bad friend and/or family member.

Just remember its nothing that a little radioactive love cant fix.

Ill be back full force soon.

You dont even know how awesome I can be. :)