Home.

I really miss my husband.

He's in Utah.
Fly fishing, welding and snowboarding.
and the house is so quiet without him.

Cue Mom.
A mother and daughter have a way of needing each other at the same time.
At least we seem to.
I had such a great time preparing for her visit.
Typically my time management skills are terrible.
Really, truly terrible.
What happens is usually Casey will give me some sort of heads up.
i.e. babe, we have to be there in a half hour and it takes 15 minutes to get there...
Sounds good. I say with a smile, going about my business.
the same business I was attending to before he made that comment.
So basically, not taking the cue that I should be changing my business
to the "getting ready" type of business.
Then five minutes until departure and I'm all,
Babe! Why didn't you tell me what time it was?!
And I'm rushing. And where the freak are my skinny jeans?!
And Stop following me around, youre making me nervous!
(Casey does this "following" thing when I'm late. drives me nuts)
And I'm a crazy lady.
And were 20 minutes late.
2 miles into our journey and I ask, Did you put diapers in the diaper bag?
And Casey's all, Why would I assume that the diaper bag doesn't already contain
diapers?!?
Casey is from Mars and I am from Venus.

But I digress.
Today I switched things up and started preparing dinner early.
And you know what?
I really enjoyed myself and it was even... dare I say... relaxing?
Yes. Relaxing.
I had music on and I'm not talking about the Wiggles.
Like Real Grown Up music.
I had candles burning.
There was even some dancing in the kitchen, donning an apron with Ginger moments.
I know. Crazy.
And this happiness continued all through the night
while mom and I ate roast and watched Paper Moon.
Which by the way, all I could think of during that movie was...
Tatum, one day you are going to get busted for trying to buy drugs from
an undercover cop.
Then you'll go on Oprah to apologize to your kids for it.

Moral of this post is...
Someone once told me
(granted, in a moment of anger)
that I'm incapable of just. being. happy.

I thought, I can be freaking happy, you moron.
I'll show you.

That all led me to making an effort
to look for and acknowledge the beautiful and happy moments more often.
And it just seems like those moments reveal themselves to me
more everyday.
Because I'm seeking after them, not waiting for them to slap me in the face.
It's fantastic.
Honestly.
As fake as this all sounds.
I know it seems that way.
I'd roll my eyes too.
But. I'm grateful. So there you go.

And to any of you that say I'm not capable of contentment...
Suck it.

kidding.
I totally just ruined this post for some people.









AND Ginger learned a new trick.
Drumroll please...

Ta-Dah! She can take off her diaper.



Now I've been known to stage a photo or 2.
(Oh you know you've done it)
But I swear to you, I caught this picture candidly.
No remotes, no x-box controllers, no candy wrappers.



Still, I'd welcome the mess
if it meant Casey was home.

Anyone ready to throw up yet?
No?

Dearest Casey,


How about now?

And so I say,
Go forth,
Acknowledge the happy moments.
Look for the beauty in life.
Buy flowers.
Tell Tatum O'Neal her future through the t.v.
Enjoy the occasional Baby Butt.
And tell the naysayers to suck it.

Ginger's pissed off at Elmo.

Well Ginger, Elmo was just being honest.

Today I read this...



In THIS moment...
the house is quiet.
Ginger is napping.
music is playing quietly.
I can smell my lilies Casey bought me.
I'm in my pj's
on the couch with Moses
playing on my computer,
instead of cleaning my house.
drinking tea with milk.
And I just spent a half hour
of my life
putting words into
my 10 month old daughter
and Elmo's mouth's.
Can you say huge nerd?

So in this moment I am happy.
and what I'll take from that
is
I have a happy life.

Someone has a Christmas message...

Christmas. 11:30 p.m. She is still awake. Teething is awesome.

Everything is Going to be okay.

Well if were going with optimism
Let's really go with it...



It was a rough month or so,
but I made it.
And I feel renewed.
And grateful.

First.


One reason why...



Second.

I am proud to say...
I decorated for Christmas... yesterday.
That's right, 4 days before Christmas.






And Finally... Ginger.

It's all about the Hamiltons baby

Vanity Fair named "Lazy Sundays"
as the web-video sensation of the decade.
I've watched Andy Samburg rap about
The Chronicles of Narnia about a hundred times tonight.
And it's still really, freaking funny.

So please grab your Mr. Pibb and Red Vines because
Mr. Pibb + Red Vines = Crazy Delicious.
Double True.
and behold the awesomeness...



And Remember... It's all about the Hamiltons baby.

My list for Santa

All I want for Christmas...

1. A sense of Peace in my heart, mind, home.
2. Big smiles and giggles from Ginger, in copious amounts.
3. Energy
4. To go to bed and know, I've done my best.
5. Courage and grace
6. To play more and laugh often
7. To not dwell on the past and my many mistakes. Easier said than done.
8. To learn from the aforementioned mistakes.
9. Chocolate...again, in copious amounts.
10. World Peace, of course.

Not too much to ask, right?

I'm not going to pretend that some of these requests are just everyday things that I seek after.
And I dont want others to think this is just a pretentious list and not true desires.
Life has thrown me a huge curve ball.
And really, a big part of me wants to crawl under the covers and surrender.
But a bigger part of me wants to learn and grow from this no matter what the outcome is.
So this is my Christmas list as an imperfect human being hoping for a bit or a lot of grace
to get me through.
And to all of you facing your own personal struggle, I hope the same for you.
You can borrow my list if you'd like, but you can only get #2 if you come and visit.

By the way... Ignore the "read more" link,
I cant figure out how to get the stupid thing off my blog.

Magical Powers

I have an eight month old child.
and she's starting to do little person things.
She looks less fragile.
She's a bit more assertive when she wants something.
She vocalizes her feelings... not in any sort of language we understand of course.
But it's not hard to pick up the tone; happy, excited, sad, angry, etc.
She's the funniest girl in the world to me.
She is rolling and will crawl in a matter of days, I'm sure.
She is absolutely beautiful.

She likes to wear her Peruvian getup when we go to Norway. Naturally.


And in her free time she enjoys reading skateboarding magazines.


She likes to express herself.



And when she's not growling she's squealing in delight.



She likes to look you in the eyes and cast a spell that makes you beg her to tell you her dreams
so that you may make all of them come true.


The girl has magical powers, I'm telling you.

The Moment

And to this I say. Namaste.

Ginger and then some...

I've been meaning to give a Ginger update.
I see all these moms giving the regular update and
Im thinking, shoot, I'm already failing the blog mom test.

Here's whats going on with my 7 month old (8 months in a week)

She is babbling like crazy.
The funniest noises, I swear this girl...
She can growl like no other.
It's the funniest when she's mad.
She doesn't really cry, its more like telling us off in baby talk.
The growling is a straight message to us,
like: Mom, Dad- I'm over Target- get me out of here NOW.
Other times the growling is just for fun.
Just to show the world that even though Mommy rarely takes her
out of the house without a bow and a lot of pink and purple is going on;
the message is; Haha Mommy tries to make me as dainty and feminine as possible
but look at me world; I'm a dinosaur.

She isnt crawling, thank goodness.
Yes, I said that.
Right now, she is so chill. During the day, we post up on the floor,
she likes to play with any toy, although the remote is her favorite.
Which makes you think, Why? All these great toys and you go for the remote?
Anyway, she eats the remote, I do my thing,
we play together-sometimes every 5 minutes, sometimes every 20.
Ummm sometimes a little longer.

Point is; I'm not dumb, I've seen a mobile baby.
Once that happens, bye bye- chill days.
Not that I want to stop her growing process, but you know.
Okay no sugar coating...
She'll crawl, then walk- it's inevitable... but give me some time.
My feelings wont be hurt if she's a little behind.
Casey thinks this is messed up... you probably do too.

She likes to bang on things.
Gouge eyes.
Eat.
Loves when dad comes home.
Always gets joy from Moses.
Her legs are super strong.
She likes everyone.
Sleeps so much I have to wake her up.

Hates...
THE BOOGER SUCKER.
I don't know if there is anything worst to her than cleaning out her nose.
hates having paper taken away from her.
or anything for that matter.

Really I think thats it.
She's good, really good.
It freaks me out because sometimes I get overwhelmed
then Im all worried... like, man, this is probably as well behaved as babies get...
So what's going to happen with the next one?

This is proof, I need my own camera (Casey...),
I have some cute iphone shots but they look all distorted on here.
So this is last month, I think, So somewhat updated.






What's going on with me;
I've been all into these DIY projects and decorating our new house.
It's making me busy and helping me be happy.
Casey bought me my own staple gun and palm sander and I nearly cried.
LOVE THEM.
I want to post about my projects so far but they're all like 60% done...
Why not finish one and then start the other?
I dont freaking know, I've always been that way.
Im about to start soccer, which I'm really nervous about.
There's the nose thing ( broke my nose during a game).
And the lack of muscle issue. So bring on the ensure and weights.
And the fact that I have a fear of sucking, it's been a while.

And Casey, well you saw the last post.
Trying to skate more.
He's working... a lot.
But still comes home and is all about G.
Unfortunately thats about all he has time for...
Ginger Loving, Work and Skate.
Okay so many words, I promise, I'll be better.

Dad's Still Skate

Warning... Lots of pictures and tons of words...
so if you get bored reading keep scrolling down
you'll get to the good stuff.

You all know I find Casey so hot when he skates.
I think I mentioned before that Casey and his friends
spent some time building a ramp.
I believe it was called "Project Smalls".
Isn't it adorable that these grown men still build skate ramps
and give them cute names?
What? No, I'm not making fun, It's really precious.
Project Smalls was built and then needed to be relocated
so at dinner with Casey's family, Casey asks his parents
if their backyard can be the ramps new home.
and you should have seen his brothers eyes light up.
I was thinking, Ya right, they've spent a lot of time making their
backyard beautiful...there is no way.
But I kid you not, his Mom and Dad's eyes lit up too.
And so the ramp found a home.
I tell you this because I realized Casey's parents love making their
boys happy.
I shouldn't have been surprised, after all they did let them graffiti
their old drained pool and skate that.

I hope I can be that way.
I hope we can create a place where my kids and grand-children
can basically have a huge playground at their disposal.
Maybe I'll give it a cute name, perhaps I'll call it...
"Neverland Ranch".
No, not very original, okay maybe, "Project Large".

Mike Cunningham (http://thedigitalorange.com/blog/)
who is a very talented photographer and Treese family friend
was going to be in Vegas and wanted to take pictures
of a skate sesh...session... ah the conundrum I face every time
I have to use Casey's language.
Am I lame because I say "skate sesh" and "shred"
or a dork if heaven forbid I use the actual words;
skateboard session or snowboarding or whatever.
Moving on, Eric, who is a very talented videographer
was there as well to shoot a video.

I love this picture of Casey,
I can't wait to print it.





And here's the "sick" video Eric made
Ok answer to my previous question, LAME
I just cant pull off Casey's verbal dopeness.




If there was a
"How To Be A Great Husband As Much As Your Male Nature Will Allow You To" book,
Casey read it, studied it and puts it into practice.
Don't get me wrong, I can give you some great "What the hell were you thinking?" moments...
But I probably have twice as many moments, so we just wont go there.
Point is: We got married and Casey "got his grown man on,"
Instantly, overnight.
You're probably wondering why I switched gears,
well here you go
I'm sure Casey wishes he could skate every day like high school
or snowboard 4 days a week in winter like college.
Man, married life and a baby steals your hobbies.
But it does replace it with amazing blessings that are worth the sacrifice...
you're welcome Casey for being your wife.
Kidding. Sort of. I'm talking mostly about being parents.
A laugh from a 7 month old can make you feel incredibly fulfilled.
I still hope we can find a happy balance between it all.
Maybe a four day work week, a three day weekend
And the extra day will be used as an extra free day in which your child(ren)
laugh and smile and watch contently as parents indulge themselves.
Or the Grandparents take over...
Peggy? Sheila?
Ginger's free every night this week.

Here are some more pictures








LOVE THIS ONE!


REALLY LOVE THIS ONE!

And here's a great one of Casey's brother Cody


As you can see Mike is super talented.
And Eric too, I asked Eric to film Ginger's Birth but it didn't happen,
I wish I would have followed through with that idea.
He totally said he wouldn't be scarred from the experience.
Now that's a professional, when G was crowning, they kept asking Casey to
look over and see her head and he was all, No I'm good up here.
Anyway you can check out Eric's work here:
http://www.illmaticvideo.com/blog/

Bye for now, Ginger's calling.

Yes Please

Love this



And this...



I already have one for Ginger's room ( Big kiss Peggy!)
Now I want this one for downstairs, especially in this frame.
I know- the same print in multiple rooms??
Yes. It's my house and I can do it.
It's a nice reminder for someone like me-
My sign would say... "Panic and stay in bed all day"
Keep Calm and Carry On is a much better idea.

We've moved into our new home and it is wonderful.
But I am trying very very hard to be patient.
I want everything and I want it now.

Oh what I really wanted to show you was this...

Remember
I was obsessed, if not you can see it here .
Well I got the black ones a while ago and finally wore them



I've always wanted to do this...
What I wore:
Joe Jeans
Gap tee
necklace forever 21
Purse Isabella Fiore
shoes Vince Camuto

That was purely for me. My inspiration comes from these to fashion junkie blogs-
Glamouri and Cupcakes and Cashmere
Both of these blogs are so interesting,
in that- both of these ladies are so confident
that they post pictures of themselves practically every day.
And they look fabulous every. single. day.

If I did that everyday- my "What I Wore" would be:
sweatpants: Target
shirt: vintage (read: so old I dont remember where it came from)
socks: new balance

The end.

words

When I was a little girl I used to say things to my mom like;
I want a Malibu Barbie convertible,
or I want to dress like Madonna
or I want to watch The Buttercream Gang again,
you get the point.

And my mom would sing the same song to me...

A verse:
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes,
you just might find,
You get what you need.

It was Rolling Stones.
And as a HUGE Rolling Stones fan. HUGE.
I can't believe I'm saying this...
I hated that freaking song.

And she always said it with an annoying, taunting smile.
But still, I smile at the memory.

Today I found myself dancing with a very insatiable baby,
singing that same song.
and thinking about how much I'll annoy her with it for the rest of her life.
or at least until she is 20-something
singing it to her very own doll-faced baby.

And here is the seven hundred dollar print
I dream about at night...



Along with a Zebra rug,
five dresses from Modcloth.com
a precious ruffled shower curtain from Anthropologie,
and a few hundred other things.

This weekend Casey and I laughed so hard, my stomach hurt.
And while we drove we put the ipod on shuffle and a song came on from Jewel.
I started singing it on the top of my lungs, like I was on stage, hand movements and everything.
Something I used to do all the time.
and then a miracle...
Casey joined in... with GUSTO, I might add.
I call it a miracle because when we first started dating a Journey song came on;
Don't Stop Believing.
Now that is a classic.
A classic that I CANNOT stop myself from singing with every fiber of my being.
If it's on, conversation must stop and a show must go forth.
I begged Casey to join in and he tried, sort of, at first he started singing and then he realized
what was taking place...
His girlfriend, soon to be fiance, soon to be wife,
was warped into Steve Perry, or a ridiculous out of tune wannabe who convinced herself she was
singing to the millions of dreamers out there who might soon lose hope if not for me and my voice
begging them to keep never stop believing.
It had to be a turn on.
I chose to interpret the "what the hell?" look on Casey's face as a
"wow she's an incredible performer" look.

Anyway...there was my husband, 2 years into marriage finally jumping on the train with me
singing to our devoted fans who no doubt could feel our words, even though we were
in a truck driving down an empty highway.
Welcome to my world, Casey.
How does it feel to be a make believe superstar?

And finally one last thought, every time we watch Sex and the City
and Samantha makes a typical "Samantha" comment,
Casey shakes his head and says, What a dumb slut."
like he's surprised. every. single. time.
it makes me smile.

2 WHOLE YEARS AND 7 WEEKS

Okay, so I'm a little late posting about our anniversary...
but don't pretend you're shocked.

In the beginning.
Casey played it cool.
So did I, even though I was enamored.
Same Goals... Check.
Good Looking...Check.
Smart...Check.
Laughs at my jokes......Check.
Original style...Check.
Original, period...Check.
Kind...Check. What? I actually am attracted to nice guy?
Spiritual...Check.
Yet, slightly edgy...Check.
Super hot skateboarder and snowboarder...check (that was just icing on the cake).
Amazing sense of humor...Check. Check. Check.
Just here for the summer... Wait... What?
Oh well, we'll have fun.

First date a Thursday. Friday, he came and visited me at work.
He was down.

Saw him before I met him...
The pictures that made me say hmmmmm, who is this guy?
(Thanks again Eric)



When I see this I think of when I posted it last year and was teased for being cheesy.
But I love my husband so I dont care if you think Im cheesy or not.
Actually, I do care, I'm that type of person- so maybe keep the
"so cheesy" comments to yourself.
If not, I might throw something at you.
No... Im rehabilitated of that habit.
mostly.

Okay, spotted him at church and yes I approached him.
I don't care. Let's call it confidence.

This picture probably was a few weeks into dating.
Headed to church.
Not bad...going to church together during a summer fling.



Summer came and went.
I gave him a copy of one of my favorite books; The Alchemist.
And we parted ways.
Mutually agreeing, although we liked each other- long distance was a bad idea.
But we did say, "Let's just see what happens..."
2 months passed...NADA.
No emails, no phone calls, no myspace comments!
What the heck, we SPENT the whole summer together.
So I called him on his birthday.
I know, I know, but remember- were calling it confidence.
and after our conversation he said he'd come visit the next weekend.
Interesting change of events.

That weekend we decided to have a long distance relationship...here we are in the airport.


Why do we look so happy to say bye?
I hated that he lived in Provo!
Long Distance Relationships= ugh.

And then 8 months later... this...


We got pelted with roses.
After being married in the Las Vegas Temple.

Then... a fabulous honeymoon in Hawaii


And what comes after a summer fling...turned long distance relationship...then Temple Wedding
then... a gorgeous Hawaiian Honeymoon?

A first year of marital bliss or was it Hell?
I went a bit nuts. More so than usual.



Casey was nothing short of an Angel.
And instead of stooping to my level, he led by a quiet example.
And in that first year, because of him,
I changed A LOT.
I still have a ways to go...but the transformation was nothing short of a miracle.
As I mentioned, rehabilitated of the throwing issue I had... miracle.
That was a 25 year habit in the making, after all.

Then, I was found worthy to develop this:


And have this beautiful dollface...


Dating- Fabulous
1st year of marriage- sorry no cuss words here.
2nd year of marriage- INCREDIBLE. (freak- we deserved it.)

Here's looking to Year 3!!